Tunes, Teens, and In Between with Dr. Kimberly Moffit | UYGW035

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:00:00

So now that work has expanded to tic tock where I'm answering people's relationship questions and, you know, getting to create really viral, fun, interesting content that I'm passionate about.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:00:09

Welcome to unleashing your great work, a podcast about doing the work that matters the most to you. I'm your host, Dr. Amanda Crowell, a cognitive psychologist, coach, author of the book, great work and the creator of the great work journals. Every week on this podcast, we're here asking the big questions. What is your great work? How do you find it? And why does it matter whether we do it? What does it actually take to do more of your great work without sacrificing everything else? And how does the world change when more people are doing more of the work that matters the most to them? Stay tuned for answers to these questions, and so much more.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:00:55

Welcome everybody to unleashing your great work. I'm really excited today we have Dr. Kimberly Moffitt. She is a leading relationship expert who has studied the ins and outs of romance and has the answers to loves toughest questions. With over 2 million followers on social media Kimberly's relationship advice is garnered from the latest research, but brought to life in fun and relatable tips. Kimberly achieved her doctorate degree in psychology and has appeared as a relationship expert all over the media and television. She's also the founder of K m a therapy with five in person counseling locations in Toronto and a new location opening in New York City and fall of 2022. Welcome to the podcast. Kimberly.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:01:39

Hello. Thank you for having me. Amanda. I'm so excited to be here.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:01:43

I am excited that you're here too. So we you are an interesting person to me. i You've been interesting to me since the minute you arrived on my radar as as a social media phenomenon and therapist with a bunch of relationship clinics all over Toronto, and very soon in New York City. So I'm very interested to the question we always begin this podcast with which is can you just tell us a little bit about what your great work is? Wow.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:02:15

Big question. Oh, man, I love it. Yeah, you you get right down to the root of it. I mean, for me, I'm a creative person, by nature. And so when I was coming out of university, well, actually, when I was, I should start from the beginning when I was in high school. I signed a record deal here in Canada, I was a performer. And I spent three years touring with a Canadian girl band. So you can imagine Yes, you can imagine like back in the day of Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake and the Spice Girls. I was in this Canadian kind of like manufactured pop band,

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:02:53

no way I was. What were they What were you called? We were called

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:02:59

untamed. And we had a couple of big radio singles here in Canada. And so that is really like kind of the start of my life and what kind of got me thinking about the brain and music. And so, you know, while I was having this experience, I mean, I really loved music, but I was curious about how writing songs could impact our quality of life, you know, how kind of expressing ourselves could make our experiences better. So I started writing a lot of songs. And eventually, when the group disbanded, I ended up doing my master's degree in music therapy, because I wanted to study songwriting, in local area, high schools and how it could impact the teens in those environments. And I've always had a really strong connection with teenagers, I think I went through a lot of experiences as a teen myself, obviously, being in the music industry. As a teenager, I went through a lot of experiences. And so I was I was really interested in this age group. Because you know, if you can remember being a teenager it was, you know, it's a hard enough time, you know, and now with things like social media and all the pressures that kids are facing, I think it's just a really tough time to be a teen. So I've always had a really soft spot for this group. And so anyways, I ended up finishing my Masters started my doctorate in counseling psychology, became really interested in entrepreneurship, and the lake but never, never forgot my connection to teens and to music. And so when I finished my doctorate, I started the practice and was really interested in growing it, but on the side, I was like, I have to do something creative. I have to, I have to, you know, talk to people. And so I was, so I started making these little videos in my office, this must have been 2014. So like eight years ago, now, in between sessions, I would sit down with my couch in the background and a DSLR camera and I would just start answering people's relationship questions. And at first I was making videos all about like divorce and how to spice up a long term Relationship things that were meaningful to me, the couples I was seeing. Yeah, but it became obvious very quickly, you know how they always say like, you don't choose your audience, your audience? Yes, you, it became really obvious to me very quickly that for whatever reason teenagers wanted my advice, like it was just overwhelming. Like, it was like, all the questions I ever got were like, Kimberly helped me with this love situation that I've been. So anytime I would post like a teenage video or a video about like, you know, reading someone's body language, or how to tell someone likes you, or attraction or early dating, like, these videos would go viral on YouTube. And this is like, if you can imagine 2014 2015 This was as YouTube was becoming popular. Yeah. So I realized really early on, okay, so I was like, I really want to grow my platform. And I'm just loving the work that I'm doing. I just feel like I'm making a real difference. And so now that work has expanded to tick tock where I'm answering people's relationship questions. And, you know, getting to create really viral, fun, interesting content that I'm passionate about. And so I'm kind of doing that hand in hand with running the therapy practice. But I do feel like they're tied. And I feel like people want to know, specific things about relationships or dating, but they don't always want to hear the long version, they want to hear a little like cycling tips. And so that is my great work is I just, I just love making viral content and stuff that really makes a difference in people's lives. And so that's me. And then

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:06:26

the viral content, you said that, I mean, obviously, therapy is the long version, right? Like, let's talk about you and your relationships and really kind of dig in and think it through. And so it's the creation of the the little tips and tricks the relatable, the funny. That's really where you feel like

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:06:45

you are most creative. Absolutely. And I think like, for me, it's all about understanding, like, what do people really want to know about? And I feel like we all feel like we have the answer to that. But when you when you're creating these, like for a platform like YouTube or Tik Tok, it's like, you find out pretty quickly what people actually want to know about. Yeah. And so and it's in it's kind of like a hard lesson when you think something's amazing. And then you put it out there and like, nobody wants to know about it. You know, and so it's, and so for me, it's always been about the joy of really finding out like, what, you know, what speaks to people what, what makes people feel something, and I'm really passionate about that. So

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:07:28

yeah, yeah, you sound really passionate about it. So has that happened to you? Are you were you put your heart and soul into piece of content? And like, landed flat?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:07:35

Oh, yeah. All the time. I mean, that's, like, I've been doing this for 10 years. Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like sometimes the videos that you think are like the greatest thing in the world, just totally fall flat. Nobody likes them. Or maybe they reach a smaller subset of people. And they really liked the content, but it's just not a viral video. And I think that's, you know, that's kind of where I'm at now, where you kind of know what subjects and topics are going to reach the masses. And then sometimes you just want to put something out there because you know, there's a small group of people that would benefit from that. And then I've had other pieces of content that I think are the most hilarious thing in the world. I'm thinking of one video specifically, I just tell me about laughing.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:08:11

I can't even I can't even I'll send you a link after this. But it's so it's so hard to even describe like what it's about. It was about losing my virginity it was. But it was like it was about how actually, I'll tell you. It was about how all my friends lost their virginity before they were 17. And I at the age of 17, still thought that it went in like a hot dog. But it was, but it was this creative thing where it was like, I wasn't actually saying this. It was about you know that song about understanding the assignment. Like I understood the assignment. Yeah, yes. The clip online is like Elwood saying actually, like, I didn't realize we had an assignment. So that was me. Like, I didn't know we had an assignment. So I just die laughing when I thought of this and made it and then it just totally fell flat on Tik Tok. But then a couple of months later, we reposted it on Instagram. And it went viral.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:09:00

I knew this was funny. Like I knew we were just it was just for the older slightly older crowd.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:09:04

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess Exactly. Like, certain people like so maybe. And that's the thing about about viral content, too, is that you never know who was gonna land with. And so it's all about kind of like the humility of saying, Okay, well, I don't know if this is if this is a hit. But let's see, let's, let's have fun with it. So

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:09:21

I love that. So it's interesting because it it's must the first thing that came to mind when I was like, what, what's hard about this life, I feel like there are quite a few things that could be challenging, living so much of your life online. And at first I was like, well, oh, you're gonna create this content, you're gonna love it, you're gonna put it out and it may not hit, you know, hit people the way you want it to. But really, that's, I think, maybe a mild way of putting it like do you have people like, do you have haters online? Is that something you had to learn how to live with? Like, what's hard about this for you?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:09:50

That's a great question. And yes, I think any creator that's reaching a large number of people has haters. So that goes But the thing is, like, I'll tell you a little bit about it, and then how I learned how to cope with it. So my haters started on YouTube. This is very normal though. My brother has haters, my brother's a YouTuber as well. And so they have major haters, my brother's gay. So, of course, they have major haters online. That's just part of being on the internet. And so, so for me, the haters started on YouTube. And, and I think at the time, because it was like, 2014 2015, it was before, and I was a lot more insecure, even at that time, you know. And so, I think I really, people would critique things like my education, or the way I looked everything, like literally anything about, oh, how can you give me relationship advice, you're not married? And I'm like, well, actually, yes, I am. But like, that doesn't matter anyways, you know, so just anything people can pick apart. And I think, you know, for me, as a woman, and as a person who has always wanted to please other people, and not cause a scene and, and do good, you know, this is just totally devastating to see people openly pick you apart. And so, I learned this the hard way, when I had, like, my very first insanely viral video on YouTube, got a lot of like, anytime it reaches the masses, you're gonna get that kind of hate from anyone. And so it was almost like this traumatizing week, where it was just full of hate comments, and I saw each and every one. And by the end, and I worked through it, and in therapy with my therapist, and basically, I came to this conclusion, like, number one, you're gonna get haters, if you're at that, you know, if you're reaching masses of people, but what, you know, if someone can love you so much, and they don't even know you, then they can also hate when they don't even know you. So really, it's a bunch of people that don't know you. And, and whatever you're doing is create, like, it's triggering something within them. And they're projecting all of all of that onto you. And that's kind of your role, anytime you're in the public eye is that people project all their own stuff onto you, and it doesn't mean anything about you, as a person. Right. And so now on tick tock, you know, seven, eight years later, you know, I'm a woman who's almost 40, now, I'm turning 40 This year, and I think you, I feel a lot more comfortable in my skin now. And, and I do feel a lot more at ease, saying things that I felt, you know, eight years ago, I would have been so scared to say online. But now I think just feeling more confident in who I am. And, and, like, in line with my values, I just have less fear, you know, and I shouldn't I should knock on wood. Because, you know, like, I'm in a place in this moment where I feel more emboldened to say the things that matter to me, because I feel that they'll make a difference. So that's how I deal with the hate. It's just understanding that if I want more haters now, you know, because if I get them, it means that I'm reaching a lot of people, and that's a good.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:12:51

Yeah. So the you want more haters, because it means you're reaching more people? What is the what is really the message behind obvious it's relationship advice, and you know, helping teens feel comfortable with their relationships, but like, what's the message behind the message? Like, what? Why are you willing to take on all those projections, all that hate all that love from people who don't know you? Like, what's the transformation that you're hoping to make with your work?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:13:19

That's an you're asking amazing questions. I can tell you're a psychologist. Incredible.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:13:26

I am officially I love that.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:13:29

So for me, it's interesting, because if you looked at my relationship advice on the surface level, you might say, Okay, well, this is some very traditional advice, not really traditional, but you know, mean, like, tips for a relationship kind of surface level, but underneath, you know, I'm a really hardcore feminist. And I think when you when you watch a lot of my stuff, you'll realize like, actually, like, you know, she's She is really gunning for women to have empowerment when it comes to their relationships, to be able to, you know, not just understand the behavior of other people, but be able to be active players in their relationship lives, and not just passive recipients, the way that women were portrayed in the past. And so I think that by learning, even if it's like quick little tips about relationships, or how to make something happen in your love life and your relationships, like I think for women that's very empowering to have those skills, and those tools, even if it's something as simple as how to give an amazing hug. You know, and so for me, I have a big mission in life. And I feel like I'm not even close to that mission yet. You know, I have a lot, a lot of work to do in the future. Because my passion is women's reproductive health, education and employment. And I know we have a long way to go when it comes to quality. And for me, I see this as part of that in educating women but then I have some massive goals in terms of actually I I'm making a difference on a grander scale. And so this is kind of it feels like the start of that, for me.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:15:06

That's exciting. I really, I really like what you're saying. And I'm, I'm like processing it in my mind. And in real time, the idea of like, if you like this trojan horse of relationship advice and like how to give good hug and like, I did watch some of your content, I signed up for Tik Tok. So I, I did one more person on tick tock. And it's interesting to think of it as like, if one of the things that comes to mind is like, if we can speak openly about what we want. As women, that's a huge step forward, because like you said, we're very, we're sort of trained to be very passive. Well, someday, somebody will like me, and then I will have been chosen. Yeah. And I will be able to be in a racial relationship with them.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:15:54

Exactly. What every girl's dream is. Hold

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:15:57

on. What are you saying?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:15:58

That's what every girl's dream is? Right. That's what you've seen in the Disney fairy tales.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:16:03

Please pick me so I can matter? Exactly. Yeah. And I like the idea of like, first of all, can we talk about it? Like, can we meet? And then can I give you a little agency to add intention and force into the creation of it? How much are you talking about? In your content? I don't know how well this would play on tick tock, because I have no idea about tick tock, like, you know, like getting over relationships or relationships with their girlfriends? Or is it? Is it usually heterosexual females interested in boys? Like how, like, what kind of what's the space, the breadth of your content?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:16:40

So I try to, I mean, obviously, I think it's important that we acknowledge all types of relationships. So usually, I won't put a gender spin on it. Sometimes Sometimes the title will be just for SEO purposes. But then like, all of the tips are kind of like more inclusive. So for example, I just did a video on I don't know, if you saw this one. How to know if you're good in bed, that's a little more risque. Like, I don't usually go that direction. But I had this one that was really popular on how to kiss and then how to give a good hug. And they were so simple. And I never thought they'd go viral. Those were just ones I did, because people were asking. And so I said, I thought to myself, well, wouldn't it be interesting if we did one about how to be good in bed, but but not like, oh, this technique or that technique, but rather, how to be a good listener how to express what you want, and, and that and how to create a safe zone and things like that. And so. So, if you watch that video, it's really instead of saying, Oh, if you're the woman, if you're the man, if you're the dominant, and for the submissive, it's really using terms like if you're the person taking the lead if you're the person who's not taking the lead, and so that kind of kind of apply to any type of relationship. And I think that's important, because, because it's important to acknowledge everyone.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:17:48

Yeah, interesting. So that is pretty risque for 10 years. So do you get a lot of pushback from the adults who are very concerned about the teenagers and like, they shouldn't be in bed?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:18:01

No, I mean, there's a couple of comments on that type of thing. But it's, it's not like I said, Hey, teens, listen up. You know, okay,

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:18:09

so is it obvious that that's really directed at teenagers? Or is it like this is relationship advice, and it just happens to be teens that absolutely,

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:18:16

yeah, it's just, it's just relation. So now on Tik Tok, my content is a lot like, whereas YouTube, it was very, like, in those days, it was very obvious that it was the teenagers who were on YouTube. Now, as I've grown up, I think a lot of my followers have kind of grown with me. And so so some of the the girls who watched me back when they were 13 are now like buying their first home or getting married. And so yeah, I know. And one of them actually, like, invited me to her wedding, which I thought was really, I was like, Oh my gosh, this is really wild. So and, and I think Tik Tok is a really cool environment that everyone's on so. So now I'm just making stuff that's meaningful to me. And, and, you know, sometimes a teenager might get that on there for you page. And and I'm not against that, honestly, because I do think it's better to have an education. You know, if they can always scroll away if they don't like it, but if they are interested, I would way rather than get that information in like a safe educational way, then, you know, not know anything or get it from. So I hope I'm doing good in that sense.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:19:22

Yeah. Fascinating. So I want to I want to bring back the idea of you as a musician, right? So doing the doing the stuff when you were a teenager, have Do you also sing on your Do you ever sing or do you play an instrument also?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:19:38

So I sing and play the piano? And I'm, I've been working on some music actually, for the last six months or so. And I'm planning to release some stuff in September on my Tiktok. You Yeah, yeah. Where are you like, so

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:19:51

how do you feel about that?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:19:53

I feel excited. I'm, I'm pretty happy about that. I've been wanting to do it for awhile. Um, but I needed to find the right producer, like, finding a good producer in music is very challenging. And you have to get, basically, it's like, it's not just about finding the producer is like them agreeing to work with you because producers are like in high demand. And they can only work with a certain number of artists per year. But because I had some connections from before, I was really lucky that I ended up I'm working with one of the most amazing producers in Canada. His name is Brian Stewart and Tavish crow I write with as well who wrote Call Me Maybe? No, yeah, so they're incredible. They're in Vancouver, and I've been going there back and forth for the last six months. So my music is more like a pop EDM style. And yesterday, I posted a video on tick tock, kind of, I've been sharing with people Oh, this is what I used to do as like a Canadian, like, teenage singer, back in the day. And so that's been kind of fun for me sharing a little bit about my past life. And, and, you know, I'm just excited to share what I've created. You know, it's not for anything other than just the joy of that, you know?

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:21:00

Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds I mean, it was sounds like it was a really big part of your transition from your teenage years to your adulthood like music was like the Trent it was almost the medium of it. It sounds like you went, you know, from being a musician to being a music therapist. And now he's you are now so it has to feel kind of like a little bit of a homecoming for you. It

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:21:22

is, but wow, you are so insightful. I'm like, you're like, you're definitely you. I feel like you know me already. And, you know, the surfers really deep kind of conversation. But yeah, it really does. And, I mean, when you're a musician growing up, at least for me, music is like, quite literally, all I ever did from the time I was like born, like I grew up, only doing music ever. And basically training like I was bred to do that. So by the time I was 17, and got signed, or at like, I was right around that age. It was like, that's what I you know, was, like, trained to do. And, and I did that, you know. And so that's kind of all I ever knew for my entire life. And so moving into another field was really scary. And but I was ready for that, you know, I wanted to have an education and stuff, but, but for me, it's people are like, Oh, aren't you scared to do that? I'm like, no, like, for me. This is just, this is just what I do is a part of me. I can't change that.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:22:24

Yeah. Oh, I can't wait, did you write all the songs yourself?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:22:28

I wrote them with Ryan and tab.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:22:30

Oh my god. So oh my god, that's gonna be so great.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:22:34

Yes. And a lot of them are driven from personal experience. And you know, those heartbreaks, and all of those, like juicy things that we go through? And I've been through a lot of that, so. So yeah, it's very personal. Very, I'd say like, stuff that every girl has been through. Yeah, guy, you know,

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:22:52

human, human, everything every human has been through, for sure. Oh, I love it. So you know, looking out across your history all the way from, you know, preparing for and then getting that big break, and then building this massive psychotherapy practice. What do you feel like has been the biggest struggle you've had to overcome to do all of this?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:23:12

Oh, my goodness, I have so many struggles. Amanda. There's a lot. I mean, as entrepreneurs, I think you're almost forced to struggle on a daily basis, because you're being presented with so many challenges. And I think you you really have to dig deep down and grow or get out, you know, and so, I think I've had to mature quite a bit. You know, I wasn't very mature. When I started the business. I was, you know, I was a teenage pop star. I mean, I was I wasn't used to dealing with challenges like that. And I had to learn it all very quickly. So it was, I had a lot of really, eye opening moments and hard knocks when I started out

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:23:51

in that pop star phase?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:23:53

No, I mean, well, not just then. But like, I mean, when I got into the real world, and hiring people, understanding like how business worked and stuff, and I was a total amateur, I didn't know what I was doing. And so I think, you know, part of part of the, one of the biggest challenges, I think, with running the business and growing the business was learning how to work with people. And not just work with them, but to be able to lead people and and say, here's what I expect of you. And here's how we're going to work together and to encourage those people and help them be their best selves. And I had no idea how to do any of that. And I feel like I'm still learning. The biggest one of the biggest lessons I learned was, you know, everybody has a different leadership style and a different, quote, different qualities about them that make them special and then can help them lead and I think for a really long time, I always thought that I had to be a strict like kind of leader and that's because by nature, I'm very accommodating and I always want people to be happy and I want to please them and when I first started I was giving away like I was basically just like a very wishy washy leader and And then people will kind of walk all over me, but then I get mad about it, but then I had let it happen. So I was really I didn't know what I was doing, I had to take some leadership courses. And, and now I feel more confident in my ability to lead, but not just to lead. In general, because there's not one style, it's more about how to use who you are, and recognize that no matter who you are, no matter what qualities you have, you can be a leader too. And it's more about how you talk to people and like how you use what's inside of you to kind of rally the troops and like have a mission together that you're trying to achieve. And so that was one of the biggest challenges was like I lost, I would lose myself in different methods or with different advisors and things. And I'd forget who I was, and, and just, I'd forget to just be me. And now I'm a little bit more like, in my skin about that. So So

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:25:49

what did you learn? Like, what insight, what couple of insights really, when you sort of accepted them or allowed them to be true, or learned them about yourself really helped you sort of settle into your personal leadership style?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:26:03

Well, I like first of all, I'm a very flowery person. So I use flowery language. I get really excited. I use a lot of gestures. And I'm just excitable, you know, that's just me. I mean, you can tell everybody listen to me right now. But like, he, you know, and I do tic TOCs I have funny nails and things like that. But, but like, I think that, for me, I cannot be anyone else, but who I am. And if somebody does come to work for me and says, Oh, I really don't respect that, well, then you know what, that they're not the right fit for my company. And I think that was big. It's not like, you're just never going to please anyone just the same way as on Tiktok. or YouTube, you're really never going to please everyone. So find the people that do appreciate those things about you and hire those people, because they're gonna, they're the ones that are going to connect with you. And you can build that mission and achieve that mission together. Yeah, that was one of them.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:26:56

Yeah, yes. And I want to hear another one too. But I want to just comment on that. Because unlike Tik Tok, and YouTube, where you have no control in the afterlife of your content, right, you create the content, you put it out there with a pure heart and an effort to help or be funny or whatever. And then it has a life of its own, with its with its, you know, consumers, right? It's exciting. It's receiving the projections, it's informing whatever, you don't have any control over that. Whereas with your business, you only need what like if five offices and maybe five or six therapists in each office or something, right. So 3050 people, and though hand choosing those people that really, really, I think resonating with your image, not with your image, sorry, with your vision is really so important. So hiring the right people who really will respect what you're bringing to the table is important. That really feels right. Okay, what's your GF? One more?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:27:54

So you mean like learning in terms of leadership? Yeah,

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:27:57

about you? Who are you? And that made you You're made you a great leader? Because you must be a great leader because you are growing.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:28:09

Okay, so Well, I don't know if this is like a fact about me. But there was one really prominent experience that I had early on maybe like, honestly, maybe eight years ago or something, but another therapist was copying me. And like, since then, a lot of you know, this has happened a lot. But this was like the first time it really happened. And they copied my website, my logo, like had a picture of themselves, like on their site, the exact same outfit like it was super, like, that's creepy. I know, all the copy was the same. I was like, Oh, my gosh. And at the time, I remember this, like occupying a lot of space in my head. And being really bent up over it. I was like, how could this person copy me like I spent my own time and creativity creating this thing? Like, how could someone do that. And I was, I think, for so long like this ended up. It ended up being this whole long, drawn out thing where I had to end up so I didn't want to, but I ended up submitting a complaint. And then she got disciplined, and it was a really big ordeal. But I allowed this experience to take him so much space in my head. And I realized there was a really like, key moment in all of that, that I realized, wow, I really never again want to spend my energy, like worrying about what someone else is going to do. Because it really saps your creativity. And if you are a truly creative person who is piercing the universe with ideas to like that rephrase. You are always going to be like, you have to stay on your own plane, you know, and you're always going to be one step ahead of anyone copying you. So instead of like focusing on what they're doing, because who honestly cares, like it doesn't matter. Really like spend that time honing your own creativity and continuing to push the bar forward. And so so now I just don't get hung up on that stuff anymore because it was too valuable. Uh, like, I really like I really suffered because of that. And I And I'm, it was a really, really good lesson for me to learn that like, no, don't listen to what anyone else says there's no such thing as competition. Just go your own path and the best you can. And just interesting.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:30:14

Just Just do it. Yeah,

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:30:15

I love it. You know, it's interesting because your stories they say sort of circled the same theme. So it feels to me like you've learned and learned again, like, you know, I don't know, if you have made your career creative persons, you probably have the Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. Oh, of course. One of my favorite metaphors from that book is that personal development is like a mountain and you're going around and around the same damn mountain. from different viewpoints as you work your way up, right? Yeah. And it feels like you're like, at least in the stories you've told so much of it is about, you know, wanting to like trying to show up to serve a purpose. And then getting caught in a hook of somebody else's experience of your effort. And then learning I can't be, you know, hooked into or held responsible to, or, you know, like, constantly examining other people's perspectives on what I'm doing. And then you sort of unhook from it. And then you go around, and then you're back at the mountain again, and now it's about someone stealing your IP around the mountain, and it's like, Okay, now, you know, the more eyes the more you really, it's almost like you're on a in a Buddhist temple or something like this social media version of a Buddhist temple. Because, surely, right, you're losing your attachment. Right? And you're just piercing the universe with your ideas. Oh, and allowing it to be what it is after that, and somehow maintaining your core and staying who you are. And deep, more deeply discovering who you are. That's such a beautiful experience to hear about.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:31:57

That was so profound. That's beautiful. Thank

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:32:01

you. Yeah, I love it. I can't wait to see what happens this fall. I'm gonna have to get better at tick tock so that I can go over there and check it out. Well, you release it on Apple Music, too.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:32:13

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll release it everywhere. Okay, but I'll probably I'll probably like, sneak peek it on tick tock first. Okay. All right.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:32:22

I'll find my way on to tic tac. That's so amazing. So okay, so we've heard where you've come from, where it is, and your music is coming out this fall. But you mentioned this sort of bigger vision? Can you give us just a little clue into sort of where like, what the Northstar is like, where do you hope to head over the long term?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:32:42

Yeah, well, it's such a big question. And I don't know, I honestly don't know how it will materialize yet. But I know that I want to impact millions of girls, girls and guys and women, you know, but like, but girls, that's where my focus is, because I had such a hard time as a teenage girl. So and that's my core audience is girls. So I know, I want to impact millions of girls, maybe billions. And I want to do that through being able to relate to their experiences. So I do I do see like live performances, or live events in my future. But then like, this is and this is like really far in the future. So like, the really, really far stuff is that I want to, I want to do some philanthropy around birth control for women. Yeah, search and research into birth control, and period products. So because I just feel like there just hasn't been enough research, and there's just not a lot of great options for period products. And, and birth control for women, and not just in terms of products, but education as well. And I think especially with what's going on in the US right now, with Roe v. Wade, and all of the different things we're seeing around the world. I think, for me, as a very feminist woman, I think it's like, if we can't control what's happening in terms of regulations or laws, well, we can control education and what we do with that. So I think that, you know, with birth control, especially, it's like, okay, there's never been a better time to understand like, what our options are, and have those in place. So I think, you know, a big vision would be having some kind of programs or resources for women to not just get education, but have their birth control implemented in a positive way and starting from young if they need it. So that safe kind of environment. So this is like, I know that that sounds very, like not tangible yet. But that's

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:34:47

very tangible. Very, yes. I love it. I love it. I feel like it is a great like, it sort of adds a layer of texture to everything else that you're doing. That's really really Interesting. I love it. And I mean, not for nothing, you're actually already touching millions of lives. You did it. So now yes. So now it's like how do you build on that and actually use that platform to really, I think you're right address an area that has been kind of not exactly taboo as much as it is like as though we've already figured it out. But it's really, really not that figured out. Oh, no,

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:35:22

like, not even close, right? Because all the researchers have been men, so and so. Right. I was even talking to my doctor the other day about birth control. And I said, Well, give me some better options. And she's like, you're, that's it? Like, you're not gonna get any of the other options? Because I thought, surely this can't be it. You know, I

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:35:41

know you think about medical done, and it's like everybody complains about in the right. But you know, there's a big complaint that rare cancers don't get enough research dollars, right, breast cancer has been massively researched, because so many people get breast cancer. And now you have a very high survival rate for breast cancer, but rare blood cancers. There is nothing you can do about some of them, right? But every single woman has a period. Like, that can't be the reason you can't be like, well, but there's just no, there's a massive constituency, tons of money, like what is the problem? Exactly. It has to be something patriarchal. Like there's no other way it doesn't matter, because they should just be having babies. Yeah. Well, well, I'll climb down off my soapbox now. And say, thank you so much for coming. And I bet that lots of people are really just fascinated by what they're hearing and want to go check out this tick tock, and you're also on Instagram and still on YouTube.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:36:40

Yep. Still on YouTube, but I don't post Okay. I've been posted a long form video in a while just because like I'm so into the short form content right now, but

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:36:47

we'll see. Yeah. Yeah. So tell us how can we how can we get to know you where's the best place to come and find you and learn about you?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:36:54

Well, if you want to learn about relationships and dating and get to know me a little better, the best place would be Tik Tok. So my my handle there is ask underscore, Kimberly, love it. But if you are somebody who's interested in therapy, who is maybe dealing with like a mental health concern, or any kind of issue in your life, and you want to talk this online, are my website for my business is que ma therapy.com. And you can go on there. We have intake sessions, where you can meet with an intake specialist, and they can refer you the best match within our practice. We take that really seriously. So right now we work with anyone in Ontario online. And as of the fall, we'll be able to work with all of New York State online.

Dr. Amanda Crowell: 00:37:35

Love it. Very, very cool. Thank you so much for your time. I really I learned a lot about you and about your whole world. So I really appreciate your time.

Dr. Kimberly Moffit: 00:37:45

well its an honor. Thank you so much, Amanda for having me.